Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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