Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
