I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
