so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
