What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
