we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
