the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
