I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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