the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
