O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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