someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize