Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
