I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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