My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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