Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
