were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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