Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
