Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
