just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
