Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
