It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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