dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im part way to drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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