Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
