Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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