3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Even my vagina gasped.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
