Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
