Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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