Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
