you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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