went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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