I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize