I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
