I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize