Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize