Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
