Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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