We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
