If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How does one acquire holy water?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
