mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
