I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
