I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
