do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
