I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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