shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
false alarm. still invincible.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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