butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
