Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
