these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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