Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
