we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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