i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're a waste of cheezeits
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
