only you would photoshop your dick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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