My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
