is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
