I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
