No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
