To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize