He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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