Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
